We’ve all been there. Awkwardly aware that someone is taking us off topic, derailing the conversation, or rambling, but unsure how to nudge the conversation or meeting back on track. And that uncomfortable feeling when we know others in the room are experiencing the same.
We are told that listening is a key skill. It certainly is, so how do we square that with cutting someone off mid-flow?
This post is dedicated to a number of coaching clients who have raised this issue recently. They want to be good listeners and make people feel heard, yet they do not feel that they are managing meetings, conversations, and therefore time, optimally. It's a particular issue when dealing with individuals who are more senior, or dominant characters, or who just have a habit of waffling.
Waiting for the right moment is fine, and feels like it creates less friction - when it works. But when it doesn’t, it results in wasted time, energy and frustration.
Here are three steps to gently practice the art of interruption.
1. The Art of Interruption Begins Before the Conversation Starts
This is really the key. The more you frame upfront about the purpose of the conversation, the amount of time available, and critically, the fact that you might need to interrupt if time is slipping away, the more permission you have obtained to interrupt if necessary. Think of yourself as setting the conversation up for success, particularly when you know there are some dominant characters who risk derailing progress.
As coaches, we refer to this set-up work as contracting. It's a priority for me at the start of coaching sessions and increasingly, any conversation. It has saved many a group coaching session from getting derailed by dominant or verbose individuals. Upfront, I say something like ‘in order to best serve the aims of this group, I request permission to interrupt if we sense we are going off track. Apologies in advance if it seems clunky or blunt in the moment, the aim is to make best use of our time together.’
This has saved much second-guessing and frees me up to be more present in the session. And I’ve never had anyone disagree with the idea that some interruption is necessary to help everyone get the best out of the session or meeting.
2. When Inviting Opinions and Input into Conversations, Specify Brevity
The start of the conversation is not the only opportunity to convey messages around getting to the point. If you need to invite input, ensure you request punchy responses. Or request that people only have a couple of minutes and once that time is finished, we will need to move on. If they still seem to be waffling on despite this framing, they’ve at least had some warning that they may be interrupted.
3. Soften with Gestures and Appreciation
So - you’ve set up the conversation for interruptions, you’ve invited comments to be pithy. Now a moment comes in which you do need to interrupt. Prepare people by gesturing - the adult equivalent of a raised hand in the classroom. This gives them an opportunity to come to a natural close. However, these individuals might not be a little oblivious to such signals! So if you still need to cut in, appreciate their input and soften: ‘This is interesting and I can see there is more to delve into. I’m conscious of time so I might need to come back to this to explore further. I suggest we move on to x and y.’
Use that extra time you gain from more effective conversations to let me know how you get on! You can connect with me on LinkedIn.
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